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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Free
Someone
Back
Come
Love
Seagull
Sarcasm
Sarcastic
Fire
More quotes by George Carlin
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
George Carlin
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
George Carlin
I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George Carlin
The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
George Carlin
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
George Carlin
My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
George Carlin
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin