Quote

When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comes
Atheist
Time
False
Diseased
Majors
Exaggerated
Major
Awe
Claims
Bullshit
Promise
Promises
Stand
Champion
Religion
League

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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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The status quo sucks.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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