Quote

When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comes
Atheist
Time
False
Diseased
Majors
Exaggerated
Major
Awe
Claims
Bullshit
Promise
Promises
Stand
Champion
Religion
League

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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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The status quo sucks.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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