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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Promise
Promises
Stand
Champion
Religion
League
Comes
Atheist
Time
False
Diseased
Majors
Exaggerated
Major
Awe
Claims
Bullshit
More quotes by George Carlin
One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
George Carlin
There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
George Carlin
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin
And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
George Carlin
It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
George Carlin
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
George Carlin
Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
