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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Promise
Promises
Stand
Champion
Religion
League
Comes
Atheist
Time
False
Diseased
Majors
Exaggerated
Major
Awe
Claims
Bullshit
More quotes by George Carlin
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
George Carlin
I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
George Carlin
