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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Claims
Bullshit
Promise
Promises
Stand
Champion
Religion
League
Comes
Atheist
Time
False
Diseased
Majors
Exaggerated
Major
Awe
More quotes by George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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No comment is a comment.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
