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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Major
Awe
Claims
Bullshit
Promise
Promises
Stand
Champion
Religion
League
Comes
Atheist
Time
False
Diseased
Majors
Exaggerated
More quotes by George Carlin
Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Religion is just mind control.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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