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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Department
Atheist
Hold
Clergyman
Clergymen
Businessman
Bullshit
Candle

More quotes by George Carlin

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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
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