Quote

In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Candle
Department
Atheist
Hold
Clergyman
Clergymen
Businessman
Bullshit

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Religion is just mind control.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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