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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bullshit
Candle
Department
Atheist
Hold
Clergyman
Clergymen
Businessman

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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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