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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bullshit
Candle
Department
Atheist
Hold
Clergyman
Clergymen
Businessman
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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