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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Candle
Department
Atheist
Hold
Clergyman
Clergymen
Businessman
Bullshit
More quotes by George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
George Carlin
There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
George Carlin
Life is a series of dogs.
George Carlin
You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
George Carlin
When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
George Carlin
