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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Convinced
Sky
Theist
Atheism
Diseased
Religious
Atheistic
Actually
Agnostic
Religion
Bullshit
Living
Atheist
Men
Invisible
More quotes by George Carlin
You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
George Carlin
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
George Carlin
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin
When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
George Carlin
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
George Carlin
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
George Carlin
What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
George Carlin
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
George Carlin
Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
George Carlin
The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
George Carlin
