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Hooray for most things!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hooray
Stupid
Things
People

More quotes by George Carlin

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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
George Carlin
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
George Carlin
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
George Carlin
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
George Carlin
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
George Carlin
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
George Carlin
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
George Carlin
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
George Carlin