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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Paying
Thinking
Worth
People
Stupid
Attention
Sense
Makes
Order
Country
Deficit
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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