Quote

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinking
Worth
People
Stupid
Attention
Sense
Makes
Order
Country
Deficit
Think
Paying

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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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