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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sense
Makes
Order
Country
Deficit
Think
Paying
Thinking
Worth
People
Stupid
Attention
More quotes by George Carlin
War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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