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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Sammy
Mint
Davis
Junior
Juniors
Stupid
Think
Thinking
Mints
More quotes by George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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