Quote

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Oldest
Humor
Stupid
Funny
People

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
Image
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
George Carlin
Image
Everyone smiles in the same language.
George Carlin
Image
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George Carlin
Image
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
Image
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
Image
The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
George Carlin
Image
There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
George Carlin
Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
Image
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
George Carlin
Image
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
Image
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
Image
Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
Image
One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
George Carlin
Image
Surround yourself with what you love.
George Carlin
Image
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
Image
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
Image
It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
Image
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
Image
It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
George Carlin