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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Stupid
Funny
People
Oldest
More quotes by George Carlin
You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
George Carlin
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
George Carlin
The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
George Carlin
I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
George Carlin
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
George Carlin
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
George Carlin
I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin