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So far, this is the oldest I've been.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Oldest
Humor
Stupid
Funny

More quotes by George Carlin

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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
George Carlin
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
George Carlin
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
George Carlin
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
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Your home is your refuge.
George Carlin
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
George Carlin
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
George Carlin
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin