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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Dying
People
Stupid
Probably
Actually
Moment
Moments
Feel
Feels
Okay

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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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