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George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comment
Humor
Stupid
Funny
People

More quotes by George Carlin

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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
George Carlin
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
George Carlin
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
George Carlin
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin
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Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
George Carlin
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
George Carlin
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
George Carlin
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
George Carlin
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
George Carlin
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
George Carlin