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George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Stupid
Funny
People
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More quotes by George Carlin

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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
George Carlin
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
George Carlin
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
George Carlin
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
George Carlin
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
George Carlin
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
George Carlin
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
George Carlin
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
George Carlin
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A pear is a failed apple.
George Carlin
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
George Carlin
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
George Carlin