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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Wednesday
Observed
Weekend
Holiday
Nine
National
Wednesdays
Wind
Weekends
Stupid
Holidays
More quotes by George Carlin
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
George Carlin
Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
