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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Gettin
Thinking
Hang
Somewhere
People
Stupid
Ready
Guy
Read
Right

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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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