Quote

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bring
Vegetarian
Sports
Religions
Vegetarians
Jesus
Titles
Chops
Three
Sport
Offends
Even
Majors
Bowling
People
Major
Pork
Shoes
Rent
Stupid
Title

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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Language always gives you away.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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