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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Jesus
Titles
Chops
Three
Sport
Offends
Even
Majors
Bowling
People
Major
Pork
Shoes
Rent
Stupid
Title
Bring
Vegetarian
Sports
Religions
Vegetarians
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
George Carlin
On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
George Carlin
