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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hockey
Boxing
Humor
Stupid
Funny
Form
People
Sophisticated

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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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