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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Sophisticated
Hockey
Boxing
Humor
Stupid
Funny
Form
People

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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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