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The future will soon be a thing of the past.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thing
People
Soon
Stupid
Future
Past

More quotes by George Carlin

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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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