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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Death
Owns
Anything
Theft
People
Stays
Suicide
Property
Nobody
Stupid
Dies
More quotes by George Carlin
I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
George Carlin
I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
George Carlin
We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
George Carlin
For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
George Carlin
When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin
Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
George Carlin
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
George Carlin
Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
George Carlin
I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin
