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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Suicide
Property
Nobody
Stupid
Dies
Death
Owns
Anything
Theft
People
Stays
More quotes by George Carlin
The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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Life is not that complicated.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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