Quote

One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thing
Always
Addict
People
Leads
Genuine
Stupid
Asks
Another
Sometimes

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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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No comment is a comment.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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