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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Genuine
Stupid
Asks
Another
Sometimes
Thing
Always
Addict
People
Leads

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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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