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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Bottle
Homeless
Bottles
Stupid
Seen
Guy
Never

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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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