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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Seen
Guy
Never
People
Bottle
Homeless
Bottles
Stupid

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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Life is a zero sum game.
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