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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bottle
Homeless
Bottles
Stupid
Seen
Guy
Never
People

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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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