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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bottle
Homeless
Bottles
Stupid
Seen
Guy
Never
People

More quotes by George Carlin

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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
George Carlin
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
George Carlin
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
George Carlin
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
George Carlin
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
George Carlin
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
George Carlin
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
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The status quo sucks.
George Carlin
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
George Carlin
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin