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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bottle
Homeless
Bottles
Stupid
Seen
Guy
Never
People

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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Life is not that complicated.
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