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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Bless
Humor
Stupid
Funny
Make
Life
Homicidal
People
Maniacs
Worthwhile

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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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