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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Make
Life
Homicidal
People
Maniacs
Worthwhile
Bless
Humor
Stupid
Funny

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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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