Quote

Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Times
People
Autographs
Faster
Sign
Stupid

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
George Carlin
Image
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin
Image
Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
George Carlin
Image
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
George Carlin
Image
The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George Carlin
Image
I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
Image
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
Image
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
Image
Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
George Carlin
Image
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
George Carlin
Image
I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
George Carlin
Image
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
George Carlin
Image
I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
Image
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
Image
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
Image
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
Image
Language always gives you away.
George Carlin
Image
I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
George Carlin
Image
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
Image
And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin