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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Autographs
Faster
Sign
Stupid
Times
People

More quotes by George Carlin

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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
George Carlin
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
George Carlin
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
George Carlin
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
George Carlin
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
George Carlin
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
George Carlin
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
George Carlin
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
George Carlin
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
George Carlin
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
George Carlin
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin