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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Autographs
Faster
Sign
Stupid
Times
People

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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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Language always gives you away.
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