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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Painter
Genuine
Hearing
Stupid
Thought
Hard
People
Beethoven
More quotes by George Carlin
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
George Carlin
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
George Carlin
The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
George Carlin
There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
George Carlin
