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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Organization
Humor
Stupid
Trust
Boys
Funny
Handbook
Never
Scouts
People
Joined

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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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