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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Scouts
People
Joined
Organization
Humor
Stupid
Trust
Boys
Funny
Handbook

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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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