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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Trust
Boys
Funny
Handbook
Never
Scouts
People
Joined
Organization
Humor
Stupid

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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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