Quote

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cat
Legs
Stupid
Party
Happy
Two
People

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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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