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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Uniform
Uniforms
Worthless
Endeavor
Requires
Stupid
People

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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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