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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Witty
Humor
Stupid
Everybody
Funny
Next
Doe
People
Hypocrisy
More quotes by George Carlin
You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
George Carlin
What year did Jesus think it was?
George Carlin
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
Cancer research is a growth industry.
George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
George Carlin
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
George Carlin
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
George Carlin
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
George Carlin
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
George Carlin
There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
George Carlin
Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
George Carlin
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
George Carlin
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
George Carlin
