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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Witty
Humor
Stupid
Everybody
Funny
Next
Doe
People
Hypocrisy

More quotes by George Carlin

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Life is tough, then you die.
George Carlin
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
George Carlin
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
George Carlin
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
George Carlin
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
George Carlin
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
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Life is a zero sum game.
George Carlin
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
George Carlin
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
George Carlin
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
George Carlin