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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Fight
Heresy
Stupid
Hall
Cities
Anarchy
Sure
Halls
Fighting
Comedian
People
Genuine
Blow
City
Goddamn
More quotes by George Carlin
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
George Carlin
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
George Carlin
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
