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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Grow
Stupid
Grows
American
Funny
Used
Irish
People
Catholic

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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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