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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
American
Funny
Used
Irish
People
Catholic
Humor
Grow
Stupid
Grows

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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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The status quo sucks.
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